A few months back I mentioned doing a Facebook friend sweep, unfriending the people with whom I'd had no actual contact since accepting or sending a friend request. I did this, mainly, because I tend to share a fair amount on the site, and I felt it was disingenuous of me to have "friends" know things about me that I wouldn't share with them should I see them in person, which would never happen as it would with a real friend. I suspect most of the people didn't even notice the unfriending, which is better, since I didn't mean to be hurtful...I just didn't want to be phony.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when a very generous and kind, supportive action on the part of one of these recently unfriended friends--coming as a total surprise--caused me a bit of sweeper's remorse.
Today's New Activity: Tail-Between-the-Legs 2nd Request
I was touched by and grateful for my friend's outreaching, and though I suspected he never noticed we weren't still "friends" (the thing he did happened via a mutual friend's Facebook account), I wanted to reach back. The problem is, when you unfriend somebody on Facebook, you can't just decide you're friends again. You have to send a new request. And I thought that was a perfect opportunity for me to write a message to reconnect, catch up, and explain why I'd unfriended in the first place. Because with this particular friend, it was more than just lack of contact...I'd convinced myself that he didn't want to associate with me, even though there was nothing about him that should have caused me to imagine that.
Perfect opportunity for a little honest sharing and clearing of the air. It turns out there was nothing of the sort going on. And you know what? I've found there almost never is (because the past year has found me checking in with a few different people whom I'd made assumptions about or who I'd thought were judging me)! And even in the cases where there is, I've finally realized how much better it is to just suck it up and have a somewhat uncomfortable conversation and KNOW (even if there is some actual air clearing to be done) than to sit and wonder and imagine things in your mind.
Learning, learning, learning...
I think Facebook is a strange opportunity for a lot of people who may just BE there, in the background, reading and watching others. I guess I feel that even if these folks don't share, they still might be an important part of my life, teaching me *something* along the way. So, I don't "sweep" or clean. And I absolutely agree that it's better to know things than to wonder...
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