The GGA Project -- Day #352 "Serious Business Happening Here...."

I'm just now beginning to realize how much I'm like my Dad.  Sometimes it trips me out--now, in my adulthood-- to see my parents up close after living states away from them for over a decade.  To really see how they are outside of how they are as my parents is at once fascinating and a little freaky.  That I'm so much like both of them (in different ways) says a lot about both/either the power of the nature argument (I'm so much like them even though we've been apart for so long) and the nurture argument (what I learned from them at a young age about how to be in the world stuck hard through my late teens, 20's, and early 30's, even though they were far away).

Anyway, the point is that I have a lot of things in common with my Pa.  But taste in reading material is not one of them.  Mostly, my Dad reads books from the business/management section of the bookstore.  Mostly, I'd rather chew on rusty nails (a lil Tapatio and we're good!)

So I probably cringed ever-so-slightly when, after Thanksgiving dinner, my Dad busted out a copy each for my bro and me of a book he'd read recently and which he thought we both might find beneficial.  It's just the same knee-jerk reaction I have to EVERY business book, though.  It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the gesture or trust him.  I was actually pretty excited to check out a book that my Dad thought I would like.  I feel like--now that he knows me better as I am in my adulthood--it would probably get to me on some level and in a positive way.

Today's New Activity: Business Book Reading on the Pop's Recommendation

I've only read the introduction so far, but I can see that it'll hold my interest just by the things the author promises NOT to do, which are all the things that put me off about the thought of business how-to books in the first place.  I'm looking forward to discovering what I can learn from it...


Total, off-the-subject sidenote.  Jeez Louise am I grateful for today, even with the emotional ups and downs the afternoon brought.  Outlook: hopeful, strong, unflinching, joyful, alive.


And as an off-the-subject sidenote to THAT sidenote: last night I chanced upon a blog I wrote a number of years ago that I'd forgotten, but which I found incredibly relevant today.  "Deathbed Therapy," it seems to me, might be worth revisiting about now...Though I do feel I've lived the past year in a way that I won't ever regret, I see that there is plenty of room for improvement in that area.


As far as we know, we only get one shot at this, folks--this life thing.  I hope you're living in a way that makes you feel fulfilled, peaceful, and proud when you go to sleep each night.  I'm working on it myself....

The GGA Project -- Day #340 "Gobble Gobble"

As I've mentioned before, I find the idea of giving kids (especially little kids) things that make messes incredibly anxiety inducing.  This has pretty much kept me from doing anything in the way of art with my son.  I've just never been the kind of person who says, "here kid, play with this Play-Doh, these markers, this finger paint, etc.," because all I can think of is the huge cleanup that would follow.  Aww, but I don't wanna be a stick-in-the mud Mom!  So, better late than never for

Today's New Activity: Kid-Included Art Project

Ok, so there really isn't a whole lot to speak of in the world of Thanksgiving decorating.  I never noticed or cared, but now that I have a child, I feel like I want to acknowledge and make every holiday special, so I thought maybe we could make some of those turkeys-made-by-tracing-hands as a little nod in the direction of Turkey Day.

But I couldn't remember how to do it.  Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I couldn't remember if you trace hands to make the turkey's body, or the feathers, or what.  It's times like this I thank Al Gore for the internet, which helped me to find this helpful tutorial.  I was especially drawn to this project because it was super simple and I'd be able to remember the steps without having to check back to figure out what came next.

All you needed were scissors and a glue stick, construction paper in these colors,

and willing participants, which we had.  Even my parents wanted in on the action :)

First you trace your shoe twice on brown construction paper and cut out the shapes

Then you trace and cut out your hand shapes twice each on red, yellow, and orange construction paper.  Monkey was so curious about this whole project business that he actually stayed still for this part.

He also found a way to entertain himself while I did the shape cutting for both of our turkeys.  Next time I'll pick a project that isn't so scissor-intensive.  It really didn't leave a lot for him to be able to help with, so I let him handle the glue stick :)

So you just glue the two shoe shapes with the narrow heels overlapping and the wider toe part fanned out a bit, then you glue the hands behind and add little legs and a beak and that gobble gobble thing, then just draw on eyes (stick on wiggle eyes optional)

Here are mine and Kalil's:

And here are my Mom's and Dad's.  I love the method of using both shoes and hands because then every turkey comes out proportionate to the person who made it.  Too cute.

Happy turkey-makin' y'all!

The GGA Project -- Day #333 "Crossing Over, Overdue"

Well this is one of those things I just can't believe I've never done, with over a decade in the bay area under my belt.  I guess it falls into the category of touristy things you don't think to do when you live in a place.

Except that I don't, in fact, live in San Francisco.  I just like to reap all the benefits of being a stone's (really amazing) throw away. 

Today's New Activity: Walking Across the Golden Gate Bridge

I don't think all the double, double, toil and trouble in a band of witches' cauldron could have conjured up better weather for it.  This, folks, is Northern California in early November :)


How nice it was, too, that my parents and Monkey were able to join in the fun today.

For the record--and in case you're considering crossing this landmark bridge yourself--it doesn't take long at all to cover the just over 2-mile trek across and back.  Well, not unless you stop to take 40,000 pictures.  Not that I would know anything about that.  Hey!  I said it was touristy!

There are still about a million things I would like to do in The City that I haven't gotten around to yet.  And with just over a month left in this project, chances are most of them won't make it onto this blog.  But I'm so happy that this past year has afforded me the opportunity to get off my ass, out of my rut and my backyard, and take in some of the wonders this area has to offer.

And you know...one more thing.  I was thinking about it, and why is this blog even "anonymous" at this point?  When I started this project, I was concerned about certain people finding the blog and reading about me and what was going on in my life.  That was like a worst case scenario for me at the time I started writing again.  But that thing I didn't want to happen already did happen, and many months ago at that.  What am I worried about at this point besides the thought of being all the way out there?

No more hiding.  Just over 30 days left to go, I'm finally ready to begin truly living out loud--joyfully, gratefully, abundantly...

My name is Kisa.

...and this is my beautiful son, Kalil.

Thank you so much for reading...

The GGA Project -- Day #311 "When Life Hands You Crappy Hubcaps..."

I love my Toyota Matrix.  It is practical and yet still manages to be a little sporty.  And although it's big enough that I can haul a whole lot of stuff in it, it gets great gas mileage.  It's the perfect car for moving the Monkey and I around.


I only have two complaints about it.  One is that while it's a lovely shade of black (probably would have been my first choice even if it weren't the only choice of used Matrix available on the lot where we bought it), that black body tends to show all of its dirt, beginning about, oh, 2 days after a washing.  I suppose it would help if I washed it more often, but I guess that's just not real high on my priority list.


My other complaint about my car has to do with what I believe must have been a design flaw.  One by one over the years, I have lost all the hubcaps off the wheels.  To be precise, three of them fell off on their own.  The fourth I kicked off myself when I realized how ridiculous it was to drive around with only one hubcap.


Perhaps you could say that this is something that just happens with cars, but the Matrix is not a very old model, and a disproportionate number of the Matrices I see on the road are missing hubcaps when compared to other newer model cars.  As you might imagine based on that last sentence, the missing Matrix hubcap question has become something of an obsession for me.


Anyway, back to my particular vehicle: While the pseudo-police car look that resulted from having plain black wheels was somewhat cool, the rust on them was really taking away from the whole aesthetic, wouldn't you say?:

When my cousins were here last weekend, JD mentioned that my car looked pretty good, except for the wheels.  When I asked for his advice about improving the situation, he suggested a good ole fashioned can of Rustoleum Satin Black.  Who new the answer would be in a $5 can of spraypaint?!


Today's New Activity: Aesthetic Auto Improvement


Once I had the can of paint in hand I decided I needed to get the job done that very day.  Lucky for me, my Dad was on hand, ready and willing to help out with the cause.  He told me to start with scrubbing the wheels, and while I was still doing that he emerged from the house and approached with a long metal rod that turned out to be a power washer (!).  I started using that to wash, and 40 seconds later he reappeared wheeling a compressor (!) behind him.


"What's that for?" I asked.


"That's to dry the wheels now," he said (like, duh).


I love the way my Dad works.  Sometimes it makes me crazy, the way my Dad works...so very methodical and German.  And I can never get away with doing a half-assed job when he's around (which is definitely my tendency with projects like this).  Well, maybe I could get away with it, but I wouldn't feel good about it, knowing he's there with 15 practical solutions to doing the job better.  But I love the way my Dad works in that I know if he's going to do something, he's going to do it right.  That means it may take longer, but it will be sturdy, reliable, nice to look at, will hold up, you know, all the things you would hope a built or fixed or in-any-way improved thing would do.


So it was that I ended up putting strips of plastic painting drop cloth behind the wheels (a tedious task meant to keep paint off the brake drums) and painter taping the edges of the wheels to keep the tires from getting sprayed.  Imagine that I wouldn't have done this if left to my own devices, and imagine how crappy the results would have been.


The actual painting I let my Dad take the reigns on.  He's just, well you know, better at getting things even and making it happen efficiently (German).  Check out the end product!  (this first one with the tape still on)

Now my only gripe is that the body paint and wheels look so nice and dark, I'ma hafta keep those tires perpetually Armor Alled if I hope to complete the look.

Part of me wishes I didn't care about this, but I really love that I have a car that I really love.  And I think one way to show you really do love something is to take care of it...you devote time to it, you make sure it has what it needs to perform at its best (and look good in the process), you tell it when it's getting rusty and help it do better.

Now for that pesky storage compartment door that won't stay closed...

The GGA Project -- Day #310 "More Picking, Clicking"

For Aunt Esther, Erin, JD and Mason's last day in town, we decided to do something NONE of us had ever done before.


Today's New Activity: Apple Picking


So a few months back we went to Gizdich Ranch with Nicole and girls to pick strawberries.  But that was strawberry season.  Now it's APPLE season :)


We returned to the same super cute spot and let the boys run amok, picking apples from the low-hanging branches, which was many of them and then munching on pie afterward.


For his birthday, my parents gave Monkey a digital camera made for kids, and he had a great time taking 160(!) pictures his very first time out.  It was so fascinating to see the world from his perspective!  And also so nice that he was using a camera made just for him, so that I no longer have to worry he'll break mine when I let him play with it (no more playing with it!).


One of 65 pictures of the ground:

The day's very popular taking-a-picture-of-the-person-who's-taking-a-picture-of-you maneuver:

Capturing his cousin's first apple pick!:

Here are some of my favorites of the photos he took:

I'm so excited to see what else he'll capture.  He absolutely loved going around clicking and being the one asking other people to say cheese for a change :)


It was a great day all around, but I was just sad to see my family leave town.  The days following a visit with family are always a bit lonely for me, but it was nice to have it while we did!

The GGA Project -- Day #296 "Sad, Pretty Animals"

 So the Monkey has been to the zoo.  A few times.  There's a great one pretty nearby in Oakland.  But for weeks the folks and I have been trying to plan a day to get further north.  Today happened kind of by accident.  We'd planned to go tomorrow, but tomorrow's rain forecast forced us into a spontaneous outing...


Today's New Activity: San Francisco Zoo!


We got a pretty late start so we didn't get there until about 1 in the afternoon (they close at 5), but that was still pretty much plenty of time to explore most of what there was to see.  For example....


Beautiful peacocks that roam the grounds


(pictures courtesy of my Dad, who just got reacquainted with his DSLR.  It was so nice to 1) see him behind a real camera again...it totally reminded me of my own trips to fun places with my parents as a kid...my Dad was always with a camera in hand and 2) relax and not worry about capturing everything myself!)

Real monkeys! (er, Chimpanzees) 

One of the most majestical things I've ever seen in real life: a female lion

And her dude.  The lions went outdoors too, but it was easier to see them from the inside of the habitat, where they roamed now and then.  Man did that place stink!!  I realized I'd never been close enough to these kinds of animals to have a clue how powerful their scent was.  My Mom made the comment that you always hear of animals picking up on each others' scents, and after today it's easy to see how.  I also realized I'd never heard a real lion roar before, and I have to say it was one of the creepiest and most haunting sounds I've ever heard.  We've been trying to imitate it around the house since returning home but it's pretty hard to replicate.

There was a hippo who'd go swimmin' in his little swimmin' hole and spray all the people watching nearby

Sea lions...

 Lazy ass kangaroos...

And so many other animals that my son had only seen in books until today.  Bears and tigers and meerkats and snakes and tarantulas, giraffes, zebras and lemurs, and on and on.  He loved it.


And I noticed some time near the end of our visit that I hadn't heard a child crying or whining or being annoying all day long.  I think there's just something perfect about the marriage of children and animals.  They are rapt, fascinated, overjoyed.  They are tickled pink.  And the adults are, too.  Animals are amazing.


The only thing that really saddened me about the zoo is that the animals themselves seemed despondent.  Despite the fact that they are well fed and cared for, any fool can see that they are bound to be feeling the squeeze of too little space, too little variety, and the melancholy of being unable to exercise their hunting (and all other manner of) instincts.


I used to be very, very anti-zoo.  I swore I'd never take my child to one.  But that was before I had a child and realized how incredibly happy it would make him to go to one.  

Ugh.  I hope trying to be a good parent doesn't cause me lose sight of being a good citizen of the world.


I'm sure this is just the beginning...


And I fully plan to take him to another zoo.  Probably soon.

The GGA Project -- Day #287 "On Home"

The other day I was talking to one of the only two friends I've made up here in the East Bay when it occurred to me that it's criminal I haven't made more friends in this place where I've now lived for a year and a half.  I put all my energy and put much of my time into maintaining relationships with all the people I know in the South Bay, and the overall effect that has is to keep me thinking that my living here in Hayward is somehow temporary.


When I think about it rationally, however, I can't see any likely change in circumstances so dramatic as to allow me to move any time soon.  To move out of my parents' home would mean taking a very well-paying full-time job only so that I could either pay thousands of dollars a month in child care or still live close enough to my parents that I could drive my son to their house every day before I go to work. What would be the point of that?!


While I've known all this in the back of my mind somewhere, I think I've been living in denial about it.  And it's not like my life is bad or even uncomfortable here.  On the contrary, living with the folks has been surprisingly manageable and easy when considering the fact that I'd been officially out of their house for 15 years at the time I moved in.  They are wonderful with my son, amazingly supportive of me and (for the most part :P) have refrained from straying into my personal life.  My situation here is blessed.  It is good.  And I consider Monkey LUCKY to have the chance to live with three of the people who love him most in the world all under one roof.


Wherein lies the issue, then?  That's a very good question.


I think I've felt that if I invested much of myself into this new place, it meant the reality of my change in life circumstances and direction would be finalized.  I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize this.  When my ex and I first moved in with the folks it was supposed to be for a 6-month period in advance of buying a home.  The stay was always supposed to be temporary.  So it is I continued to think of it as such.


Only everything is different now.  Everything is changed.


That finally hit me yesterday.  And so I started searching my company's job listings to see if there was a chance I could transfer to a branch closer to where I live.  Closer to what I've finally come to see is more than "where I live."  It is my Home.


Today's New Activity: Finally, Finally, Finding My Way Home


Today I talked to the manager of a branch in the East Bay, 15 minutes from my house (as opposed to the 45 min - 1 hour I spend commuting southward these days).  It seems there's a good chance I could make that transition.  And I surprised myself by feeling immediately open to the idea.  I realized that if I worked opening hours at this branch I could stop at the gym on the way home and make home in time for Monkey to wake up from his nap, and I'd still have hours to spend with him before bed.  I could take a road to work (a ROAD, no freeway necessary at all!) and be home before dark even in the dead of winter.  My Mom could bring my son by the branch during my lunch.


This also would mean giving up the convenience of an easy after-work commute down to San Jose on the days Monkey's not with me.  It would mean making fewer plans with my friends down that way and beginning to put down some roots up here.  It would mean calling Hayward home.


It would mean acceptance.


I see now that this is at the heart of everything.  As much as I thought I had, I really hadn't yet fully accept my life in its changed state.  Funny, given that I used to be so good with change.  Maybe I just hadn't ever been faced with change quite so profound until now.


It is a good thing, this acceptance.  I think my son will be better off--he'll be more relaxed and comfortable in his life without his Mama always having her heart and her thoughts and her friendships in a somewhere else where he wouldn't likely be living any time soon.  We are here and we shall be fully here.  And in that, we will know that our life is rich and beautiful and exactly as it should be in this moment.  As cliche as it is, this moment is really all we know we have.  I am finally ready to embrace that and open my eyes to all that is right here in front of me.


Now for that pesky transfer paperwork...

The GGA Project -- Day #282 "Not Lost...On an Adventure"

My parents' friend Stacy is visiting from Colorado, so we headed up to San Francisco for a day of touristy stuff.  And while we were at Fisherman's Wharf, caught sight of something perfect for

Today's New Activity: Getting Lost in the Infinite Mirror Maze

When you walk into the Infinite Mirror Maze and pay five dollars (free for kids), you are handed a pair of gloves and sent on your way.  The gloves are so you won't smear whatever's on your hands all over the mirrors, thereby ruining the optical illusion for everyone else.  And you would if they didn't issue those gloves, because the maze is impossible, and you are touching those mirrors constantly.  The only clue you can possibly go on to even get you moving anywhere but right into a mirror is in checking out the carpet.  You can just barely tell if the seem at the edge of every triangle of carpet meets a mirror or another triangle of carpet.  You can't tell beyond the very next triangle, so it's still incredibly slow going.


When we first set out (Monkey and me), there were a few other sets of Mamas with their kids, but after about 5 minutes in the maze, everyone else disappeared and at every turn all I saw were dozens of Monkeys and mes in the mirrors.  I have to admit I was a little claustrophobic at that point, wondering how long we'd be in there.  The man who admitted us had wisely advised me to hold Monkey's hand.  He said the little ones tend to run off and get lost.  I'm pretty sure that's my new worst nightmare, so I held on tight.


And I realized in that moment of semi-panic on my part that I had no room to waiver or freak out.  In Monkey's eyes I knew exactly what we were doing (isn't that a Mama's job?).  And I had no idea.  So this was definitely a case of "fake it til you make it."  And after a little while, we found the way out.  And my son emerged into the light as though we wander through impossible mazes all the time, like this was just an every day part of our lives.


When we caught up with everyone, we visited Zoltar, who informed us that Monkey had a lot of relaxation in his near future (read: naptime!).  Monkey loved him.

Just as he loved the huge fishies in the tank at Rainforest Cafe.  The animatronic gorilla and elephants?  Not so much.

That's pretty much it.  Just a fun day out with the folks and Stacy.  Yay!!

The GGA Project -- Day #269 "Gens X and Y: 1, Baby Boomers: 0"

Today we had a late afternoon meal out in the backyard, my parents, the Monkey and me.  It was a beautiful, mild day.  The perfect day to be out doing something amazing, but also the perfect day for doing absolutely nothing.  I did next to that today.  It was a very nice change of pace.


After we'd eaten, there was a whole lot of sunlight left to enjoy.  What else to do but pull out Monkey's favorite thing--the t-ball tee I mentioned in yesterday's post--and play?


My folks had invented a game a week or so ago.  It wasn't really a game so much as a goal.  I got a crack at it today.


Today's New Activity: Backyard Tourney


The goal, seemingly simple enough, was to hit a ball into the nearby birdbath.  It wasn't going so well for anybody, so my Mom decided to up the ante.  "We need to make this interesting," she said (or something to that effect).  We made teams: Monkey and me on one and the folks on the other.  The first person to get the ball into the birdbath would win.  What?  We settled on winning the right to choose an outing for the four of us and exemption from driving to the chosen outing.  Deal.


And I won.  That simple.  Everyone got pretty close during the second round.  But I won :)  Man, it's been a while since I won anything.  And now I've been brainstorming what I'll take us all to do.  So many options.  The chances are good that whatever it turns out to be, you'll be reading about it someday soon.


What a great, lazy way to spend Labor Day :)

The GGA Project -- Day #258 "Wait, WHO Sat on the Wall?!"

I awoke today with the knowledge that I had a whole day off to spend doing whatever I wanted with the Monkey, but with no plan to speak of.  A quick "things to do with kids bay area" Google search led me to a place my Dad had mentioned hearing of a few weeks ago, and which my parents and I took the little guy to for


Today's New Activity: Children's Fairyland in Oakland


I don't know why it didn't occur to me when I read the name of this place but of course...of course!  Children's Fairyland is an amusement park at Lakeside Park (Lake Merritt that is) created especially for kids ages 2-4 that is all about children's fairy tales!  Every little structure and play thing there is tied in to a story.  Take, for example, this crooked house (that the crooked man lived in of course)

There were dragons to climb in and on

and real life animals representing those in well-known fairy tales, the structures in their living areas showing which story they were telling (like goats and geese and donkeys and bunnies and, for some reason, this random alpaca (the first I've ever seen))

The spider from Little Miss Muffet was mercifully fake

On the way in we bought a "magic key" for two bucks, and at every area there were these boxes, where the kiddies inserted the keys to play a talking story or song.  So cute!  Monkey finally got the hang of the turning toward the middle of our visit, and he must have played the one at Hey Diddle Diddle 8 times in a row.

At one point my Dad introduced him to Humpty Dumpty, whom he kept referring back to for the rest of the day as "Humpy Dumpy," which I thought was itself a pretty awesome name.

There were so many fun things to do: a little train, two carousels, puppet shows (all of which we missed), mazes and a pirate ship climbing structure, an old ghost town to explore, a gigantic slide made out of a dragon and this other one, set in the middle of the old lady's shoe (as in "there was an old lady who lived in a shoe")

We stayed only two hours for this first visit, but I plan to drag my friends and their kids back very soon.  There was a decent snack bar, tons of shade, and no lines for anything.  It was ten times cheaper ($8 admission for all), closer, and more rewarding for kids this age than Disneyland would be.  Even a child younger than two had full access to everything, and the Mamas don't have to run that far too keep track of them.  I love love LOVE this place!!  Can't wait for the next time :)