Well I've had a wonderful birthday weekend (I love that, stretching your birthday out into an entire weekend or week. We used to tease my grandpa that he could somehow make his birthday last a whole month). Today I had to face the music and return to work. We are thoroughly understaffed, so there was no chance of getting the day off, but it was ok.
Actually, it was very sobering.
Today's New Activity: Birthday Perspective
Today was the first day back to work for a coworker who'd been on family leave. During that time (the day after Mother's Day), this young woman's mother passed away after having spent the past year in and out of the hospital. As unpleasant as it was to spend 9 hours at my job on my birthday, that unpleasantness paled in comparison to what my coworker was going through...the new reality she'd be coming to terms with, bit by bit, for some time to come no doubt. The brevity of life message rang loud and clear to me on this day.
My coworker was doing fairly well, considering, but I know she's probably still somewhat in shock. Also, she still has family in town, which is helping her feel connected and keeping her from ruminating on her loss (she shared this). She is bound to have some very rough moments in the days and months and years to come. I wish I knew her just a little bit better so that I felt I could have more to offer in friendship, but listening to somebody talk through these stages is certainly a way to get to know a person. It can be difficult to know how to talk with people who've just lost a love one. It can feel like a tainted, dirty secret of a subject, and it can feel like bringing it up with the mourning, emotionally fragile survivor might make something break. But in my experience, just to have the chance to talk and know that there's a person out there who can bear to hear it can be a relief. Sometimes it's EASIER to talk to quasi-strangers who are far enough from the situation themselves, emotionally.
Listening to my coworker (I'll call her Miriam) talk, watching her eyes well up with tears, I couldn't help but get emotional myself. I was trying to fathom what it would be like to lose somebody as close as your mother and this point in life (she's my age or even a little younger). And I hate to wax sentimental on my birthday (so trite), I have to say it gave me the perspective that one always hopes to have gained in the course of experiencing another year of life. I'd say it was a beautiful gift.
to be continued...
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
5.22.2011
The GGA Project -- Day #162 "The Standoff"
Today was all the way around beautiful. Monkey and I both woke up in good spirits, excited to go to his friend Sureya's birthday party. Ok, so maybe he wasn't excited for that, given that he had no idea we were going, but he was in good spirits anyway.
We got a slowish start on account of it being Sunday and because my days off are so rare this month, I wanted to sort of slow down and take it in rather than rush us off somewhere. By the time we got to the party down in San Jose, the sun was almost all the way out, the food was in full swing, and the shoots-from-the-ground water fixture at the park was turned on and soaking kids left and right.
The kids played a while at the playground and in the sandbox before being rounded up for cake and presents. At the age of these kids (and probably for the next 6 years or so) it's difficult to watch somebody open presents without wanting to play with them, but I was impressed with how polite all the kids in attendance were. Sureya was able to open up everything in peace and without anybody or anything getting trampled.
After a few hours in the sun and with all the running around, Monkey was ready for a nap. We took leave of our fellow partiers and were about to head out when I heard the magical childhood sound of "La Cucaracha" busting out over a tinny, scratchy loud speaker. Which, by the way, I have to wonder about the wisdom of selling food out of a vehicle whose speaker is blasting a song about a cockroach...
Today's New Activity: Adult Re-Living of/Monkey Introduction to the Magic of the Ice Cream Truck
My boy sat patiently (easy since he had no idea what this truck was capable of) while I perused the options. By the time I as a child was old enough to remember and run after ice cream trucks, I wasn't really interested in ice cream or popsicles. My friends and I wanted things like Big League Chew or bubble gum cigarettes (man times have changed...what WAS up with all the tobacco-related kiddie treats back then?!), or any kind of liquid candy. Ugh. The thought of that now turns my stomach, but somehow kids' stomachs are built not only to withstand things like liquid candy, they seem to need it once in a while as inspiration to live.
Anyway, Monkey's too young for any of that. We went for a Pink Panther Pop...still around--I couldn't believe it. He made it through about one ear's worth before slowing down so much the entire thing was melty and liable to plop into his lap at any moment. I wanted at the red eyeball for myself, but when I bit into it in practically disintegrated in my mouth. All of a sudden I couldn't remember if the eyeballs were made of candy or gum. Then I realized it tasted like gum but was just so thoroughly changed by having been frozen it was unrecognizable as such. So gross. I seriously don't know how we ever survived/enjoyed eating this kind of thing.
Anyway, we were about to leave for the second time when a second, louder, more professional looking ice cream truck started heading down the street toward the park. Since the first ice cream truck's music was still going, I thought truck #2 would surely back off and count this park as spoken for, for the time being anyway. But no. The truck pulled right into the parking lot, parked a little ways away from the first truck, and then turned its music UP, practically drowning out the music of truck #1.
It was the funniest thing. I started to imagine that ice cream trucks have territory like surfers, and that truck #1 had interloped onto truck #2's established route. Looking at the arrogant, "dare you to mess with me" posture of truck #2's driver as he sat blaring his music and staring at truck #1, it not only seemed to be the case, but I thought if I were truck #1, I wouldn't want to stick around and find out the consequences of this infraction.
And he didn't. Truck #1 finished with his customer and was on his way, though there were dozens more kids in the park who might have come around eventually. It's funny to think about the complex subcultures of different professions and trades. I'm sure there are dozens of unwritten rules for ice cream truck etiquette that we, as the innocent, popsicle-lickin' public will never be aware of.
Experiencing the ice cream truck today for the first time since childhood reminded me that I hadn't noticed one really since I was a child myself and actually interested in what it had to offer. It's funny how becoming a parent makes you all over again aware of the things you enjoyed as a child and eager to share them with your own offspring. It'll probably be some time before Monkey is old enough to truly appreciate this rolling wonder (I mean really, how amazing is it that there are still people out there who LIVING is made by driving a truck around and peddling sweets to kids. I love that, and I hope they are around for a long time), but it was fun introducing him to it today.
And just a quick, second first for the day...my parents took the baby and I out for dinner, and for the first time I got to hear my son sing "Happy Birthday" to me, even getting the word "Mama" in the appropriate place. I think it was one of the best sounds I've ever heard :)
We got a slowish start on account of it being Sunday and because my days off are so rare this month, I wanted to sort of slow down and take it in rather than rush us off somewhere. By the time we got to the party down in San Jose, the sun was almost all the way out, the food was in full swing, and the shoots-from-the-ground water fixture at the park was turned on and soaking kids left and right.
The kids played a while at the playground and in the sandbox before being rounded up for cake and presents. At the age of these kids (and probably for the next 6 years or so) it's difficult to watch somebody open presents without wanting to play with them, but I was impressed with how polite all the kids in attendance were. Sureya was able to open up everything in peace and without anybody or anything getting trampled.
After a few hours in the sun and with all the running around, Monkey was ready for a nap. We took leave of our fellow partiers and were about to head out when I heard the magical childhood sound of "La Cucaracha" busting out over a tinny, scratchy loud speaker. Which, by the way, I have to wonder about the wisdom of selling food out of a vehicle whose speaker is blasting a song about a cockroach...
Today's New Activity: Adult Re-Living of/Monkey Introduction to the Magic of the Ice Cream Truck
My boy sat patiently (easy since he had no idea what this truck was capable of) while I perused the options. By the time I as a child was old enough to remember and run after ice cream trucks, I wasn't really interested in ice cream or popsicles. My friends and I wanted things like Big League Chew or bubble gum cigarettes (man times have changed...what WAS up with all the tobacco-related kiddie treats back then?!), or any kind of liquid candy. Ugh. The thought of that now turns my stomach, but somehow kids' stomachs are built not only to withstand things like liquid candy, they seem to need it once in a while as inspiration to live.
Anyway, Monkey's too young for any of that. We went for a Pink Panther Pop...still around--I couldn't believe it. He made it through about one ear's worth before slowing down so much the entire thing was melty and liable to plop into his lap at any moment. I wanted at the red eyeball for myself, but when I bit into it in practically disintegrated in my mouth. All of a sudden I couldn't remember if the eyeballs were made of candy or gum. Then I realized it tasted like gum but was just so thoroughly changed by having been frozen it was unrecognizable as such. So gross. I seriously don't know how we ever survived/enjoyed eating this kind of thing.
Anyway, we were about to leave for the second time when a second, louder, more professional looking ice cream truck started heading down the street toward the park. Since the first ice cream truck's music was still going, I thought truck #2 would surely back off and count this park as spoken for, for the time being anyway. But no. The truck pulled right into the parking lot, parked a little ways away from the first truck, and then turned its music UP, practically drowning out the music of truck #1.
It was the funniest thing. I started to imagine that ice cream trucks have territory like surfers, and that truck #1 had interloped onto truck #2's established route. Looking at the arrogant, "dare you to mess with me" posture of truck #2's driver as he sat blaring his music and staring at truck #1, it not only seemed to be the case, but I thought if I were truck #1, I wouldn't want to stick around and find out the consequences of this infraction.
And he didn't. Truck #1 finished with his customer and was on his way, though there were dozens more kids in the park who might have come around eventually. It's funny to think about the complex subcultures of different professions and trades. I'm sure there are dozens of unwritten rules for ice cream truck etiquette that we, as the innocent, popsicle-lickin' public will never be aware of.
Experiencing the ice cream truck today for the first time since childhood reminded me that I hadn't noticed one really since I was a child myself and actually interested in what it had to offer. It's funny how becoming a parent makes you all over again aware of the things you enjoyed as a child and eager to share them with your own offspring. It'll probably be some time before Monkey is old enough to truly appreciate this rolling wonder (I mean really, how amazing is it that there are still people out there who LIVING is made by driving a truck around and peddling sweets to kids. I love that, and I hope they are around for a long time), but it was fun introducing him to it today.
And just a quick, second first for the day...my parents took the baby and I out for dinner, and for the first time I got to hear my son sing "Happy Birthday" to me, even getting the word "Mama" in the appropriate place. I think it was one of the best sounds I've ever heard :)
5.21.2011
The GGA Project -- Day #160 "On Celebrating"
Damn! Juuuuuust missed the cut-off time again...
Everybody likes birthdays, right? Ok, of course not everybody does. A lot of people seem to dread them, and I’ve definitely had a couple of sad-ish birthdays in my day. But by and large I like birthdays and I think most people do in varying degrees.
Some, like my Dad, love making big deals about their special days. He will gladly tell everybody it’s his birthday, and if we go to a restaurant to celebrate he not only doesn’t mind being sung to by the servers (which I think a lot of people find at least somewhat mortifying), he'd probably be a little bummed if we didn't make sure it happened.
Then there are people who keep their birthdays a complete secret…they lie about it even. They either hate getting older or just hate the attention and would like best the chance to let the entire day slip silently by without anybody raising so much as an eyebrow, let alone a glass in celebration.
I fall somewhere in the middle. While I certainly don’t dread birthdays (I actually like my age, don’t mind adding another year at all—not that it’d matter if I did), I also don’t usually draw attention to them either. I don’t ask for the day off work or plan parties in my own honor. And the thought of being sung to in the middle of a restaurant is pretty frightening.
But this year I felt somewhat different about my birthday. I recognize that the past few years I’ve been on a steady path in an effort to deny who I was, or THAT I was. Sometimes I can be kind of down with concept of denying one’s self. As Buddhists would say, the insistence on false recognition of a "self" only leads to desire, which is certain to lead to suffering. I think that’s true to some extent.
But I’m not a Buddhist. And I see that the years I’ve spent denying who I was as I’d always known myself to be have led to suffering anyway. I remember having a conversation with my Aunt on the phone last summer in which I told her I thought that if I got any smaller (figuratively, of course) I would just disappear.
So this year I felt like acknowledging my birthday and allowing room for the idea of simply celebrating me...and just because I managed to live another year. I love celebrating other people’s birthdays. Why not allow myself the same kind of yay?
Today's New Activity: Birthday Party, Mine
So I did have a party for my 25th birthday, but that was only because I happened to graduate from college that same day--and I guess I could say that I was in a similar state of mind in that moment, 8 years ago now. I was contemplative but very very hopeful, proud of my accomplishment and absolutely sure that a beautiful life lie ahead of me. Maybe you sort of have to be in that state of mind to throw yourself a party.
A couple of weeks ago I invited some friends to join me at The Saddlerack, a club I was first introduced to by my friends Denise and Christine just a few months back. I knew it was kind of a gamble to choose that location since it's a good drive from where most of my friends live, plus there's a pretty steep cover charge, but there's a lot about the club I really liked, so I went for it.
The thing is, the weeks leading up to tonight were kind of stressful at times. I would think about it and start worrying--what if nobody comes? What if people come and nobody has fun? And in past few days and even today itself a few people did let me know they wouldn't be able to make it, even though they'd originally said they could. They had legitimate reasons, but I started to feel all kinds of self-conscious, wondering if there'd be anybody left to celebrate with. By early yesterday morning I was almost, quite literally, in a cold sweat worrying about this shindig. And I was very close to calling the whole thing off.
Wow.
But there's was a part of me that new that was exactly the wrong thing to do at this point in my life. It was exactly like the recent version of me--whom I didn't like much at all--to wanna shrink away and send out a loud (albeit unspoken) apology for just, I don't know, the simple act of having an expectation, a concept with so very many facets and incarnations.
I talked myself down off the wimpy ledge with this obvious thought: it will be wonderful and it will be fun, whoever decides to show up.
And, of course, it was.
I have never danced so much on my birthday (which is technically a few days from now) or been so completely sure that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at a given moment in time. Or maybe, to be more clear, I have had that feeling before--but it was a spontaneous feeling, not one sprung from a sense of relief, as this one was. I had a truly wonderful time and was grateful for the show of love. And I resolve to never stress over a happy event like this again.
And for the record, I think there should be a mechanical bull at ALL birthdays from now until the end of time, even though I'm way too scared of being paralyzed to venture onto one myself :)
4.24.2011
The GGA Project -- Day #133 "Falafel Misfire"
**Unintended first for the day** For the past 133 days, I have been carefully, sometimes obsessively taking measures to ensure there's a post up here for every single day. Sometimes it means putting a placeholder up just to make it so the eventual post has a timestamp for the day the new activity occurred. As I left my house this evening, I told myself to remember to do this from my phone at some point, some point before midnight. And I guess I was having too much fun cuz that didn't happen. Whoops! So, there will be no post for April 23rd, though the activity for Day #133 did happen on the 23rd. So now that it's happened and there were no terrible consequences apart from my own annoyance with myself for having forgotten, I'll stop worrying about it so much...
So then.
Today was my gal Nicole's birthday. Or more accurately, it's the day we chose to celebrate her birthday, since her birthday is actually tomorrow--Easter. We wanted to get some pearl tea in downtown San Jose, but lunch first. Nicole wasn't hungry, or she didn't think she was when we were deciding where to go, so she left the decision on where to go up to me.
My first instinct was to head to La Victoria. But then I remembered the complex feelings I have about La Vic's, which I've shared before here, and I decided it was a good idea to try a new restaurant.
Nicole had just received a flyer for a new Mediterranean joint downtown, so went to check it out.
Today's New Activity: Lunch at the Kebab Shack
The Kebab Shack was a cute, unimposing place with simple decor and a pretty pared-down menu. No matter. A falafel pita was what I was in the mood for anyway, which they had. And some fries.
I thought that seemed like a sound decision, until I read the description of what Nicole had ordered. And therein lies the "misfire" part of the falafel. How much more awesome the experience would have been if I'd read the whole menu first and realized I could have my fries inside the sandwich, along with hummus. That's what one menu item (the "Aprodite" was it?) gets you!
Just genius. I'll remember it for next time. This wasn't the best falafel I've eaten, but it was good and I'd be back, especially because the service was super friendly and the place clean with outside seating available.
The only bummer to the otherwise nice outing was that Kelsi (who also came to join in honoring Nicole's day) and I both managed to get parking tickets just 3 minutes before we returned to our cars. Ugh. They've upped the fee to $40 per violation! So I suppose that was some pretty expensive falafel, but nothing could get me down today, so it's all good.
Aww, just lookit that birthday cutie! :) Oh Happy Day, Nika. I'm so glad you're here on this planet!
So then.
Today was my gal Nicole's birthday. Or more accurately, it's the day we chose to celebrate her birthday, since her birthday is actually tomorrow--Easter. We wanted to get some pearl tea in downtown San Jose, but lunch first. Nicole wasn't hungry, or she didn't think she was when we were deciding where to go, so she left the decision on where to go up to me.
My first instinct was to head to La Victoria. But then I remembered the complex feelings I have about La Vic's, which I've shared before here, and I decided it was a good idea to try a new restaurant.
Nicole had just received a flyer for a new Mediterranean joint downtown, so went to check it out.
Today's New Activity: Lunch at the Kebab Shack
The Kebab Shack was a cute, unimposing place with simple decor and a pretty pared-down menu. No matter. A falafel pita was what I was in the mood for anyway, which they had. And some fries.
I thought that seemed like a sound decision, until I read the description of what Nicole had ordered. And therein lies the "misfire" part of the falafel. How much more awesome the experience would have been if I'd read the whole menu first and realized I could have my fries inside the sandwich, along with hummus. That's what one menu item (the "Aprodite" was it?) gets you!
Just genius. I'll remember it for next time. This wasn't the best falafel I've eaten, but it was good and I'd be back, especially because the service was super friendly and the place clean with outside seating available.
The only bummer to the otherwise nice outing was that Kelsi (who also came to join in honoring Nicole's day) and I both managed to get parking tickets just 3 minutes before we returned to our cars. Ugh. They've upped the fee to $40 per violation! So I suppose that was some pretty expensive falafel, but nothing could get me down today, so it's all good.
Aww, just lookit that birthday cutie! :) Oh Happy Day, Nika. I'm so glad you're here on this planet!
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