The GGA Project -- Day #171 "Imagine Yourself...zzzzzz"

Though I'd put this post's placeholder up, I'm actually writing this the next day, since


Today's New Activity: Guided Meditation


ended up putting me to sleep less than 5 minutes in.  I waited until I was ready to go to sleep, so that I could be in my quiet room without any distractions.  But apparently I was a little *too* ready to sleep.  It's pretty much always the case that I fall asleep when my head hits the pillow, so I should have known better...but somehow I thought maybe I'd be so into it it would keep me wired.


Yeah right.


So then I tried to listen to it again this morning, but 30 seconds into it Monkey woke up, looked at my phone sitting on the bed (I'd downloaded the meditation onto my phone), handed it to me with the word(s) "Theyougo," followed by "Gaga."  This meant he wanted me to play a Lady Gaga song for him to sing to.  I was so taken aback by this sudden and very clear communication of a desire (I swear this week he crossed some kind of threshold and is spouting out new words all the time and saying things I can actually understand.  It's AMAZING!!), I forgot all about the meditation, which would have been a bust at that point anyway.


The meditation will be there for another time.  I suppose the real new eye opening for the day comes in the form of realization: that my baby is growing up; that he is a full-fledged human being with wants and preferences and music running through his little veins; that he will soon be speaking in mini-sentences and repeating things he hears me say whether I want him to or not (better keep a close eye on that!); that he will only get bigger and faster and smarter and make me pause in wonder more often.  I know this is the stuff all parents go through--the good and the bad of it, the proud and the sad of it.  But it's all new to me.  I'm so grateful, everyday, for the love and the joy and the renewed sense of awe my son has brought to my life.

The GGA Project -- Day #95 "Can't Read My, Can't Read My..."

If there's one thing I'm definitely not, it's a gambling woman.  The few times I've ventured to casino destinations (three weekends total in my life, spent in Reno/Tahoe--I still haven't been to Vegas as an adult....Oooh!  That sounds like a fun GGA outing!), I allowed myself to spend a total of $100 on gambling.  Most of that I spent on $3 Black Jack tables or quarter slots.  I never planned to strike it rich gambling, obviously; I just enjoyed the sport of it, and it was more fun if it could be spread out over a weekend without losing too much money in the process.


As part of the GGA, however, I wanted to learn how to play poker.  I have a coworker who plays pretty regularly, but I was leery about going to his normal haunts with him because he's a *serious* gambler and I don't really like the idea of being in the environment of *serious* gamblers.  He got transfered away anyway.


So I was super excited to accept when my friend, Wee Irish Nessa, invited me to join in the weekly poker night she attends at the home of former coworkers Mitch and Michelle.


Today's New Activity: Learning When to Hold 'Em, Fold 'Em

Not only did this poker night sound fun because a number of people I rarely see or haven't seen in a while also participate, I knew they would be a friendly group who would help me learn without stealing all my money.  With a $5 buy-in I didn't stand to lose much, but still I'd rather take it slowly and actually learn in the process.


I decided to sit next to my friend Thomas, since he is generally nice (at least a good part of the time) and I know he's a good trainer; he helped train me when I was rehired at Barnes & Noble a few years back.  We played Texas Hold 'Em, and I'm not really sure how this stacks up in terms of difficultly level when compared to other styles, but I found it to be relatively easy to follow.


The most difficult thing to do was to follow the warp-speed progress of the fold/check/raise decision-making from all the players.  We started with 10 people, so nobody was wasting any time in the beginning.  Play slowed every time it came to me and Thomas had to help me decide what to do, explaining why in the process.  Thankfully, nobody seemed to mind (it gave them plenty of time to catch up on nerd trivia "Hey Mitch, question for you: In Star Wars III...")  We played that way for about 6 hands or so before Thomas set me free to make my own decisions.


I think I had a bit of beginner's luck on my side.  That coupled with extreme caution allowed me to hang in there for a while.  The nice thing was that each chip was worth only 10 cents, so it was pretty easy to get A LOT of play time out of 5 bucks, provided I wasn't looking to feign high-roller status (and clearly I wasn't).  Lookit these spoils!

That's like a good $7 right there.  HELL to the yes!

What was interesting to me about the night (beyond learning to play the game and trying my hand at bluffing (super suck at that, no surprise)) was how mentally alert I had to remain just to follow half the conversations going on.  First of all, there were 3 or 4 people there in addition to those who were playing, so it was a lot to keep track of.  But some people, like Nessa, seemed to be able to follow all of it, all at once!  It was happening so fast--numerous conversations there in the room along with simultaneous Twitter feed commentaries and responses, Words with Friends moves played on iPhones, and constant take-no-mercy harassing going on.  Nessa was sweet enough to let me in on the inside jokes, though she didn't need to go to the trouble.  It was enough fun for me to just be in the presence of people who liked each other and had a lot of history between them from which to draw.  I joked that hanging out with this group would keep my mind young.  Being able to play the game well and keep track of all the whatnot will be a REAL test of mental agility, and I welcome the challenge for when next time rolls around.

Big thanks to all those present for the instructions and the good time!

If there were a downside to having spent the evening with such a rousing fun group, it was that it made the return home to my Monkey-less bedroom that much more difficult to reconcile.  He spent the night with his dad, as he has every Wednesday since the first overnight visit about a month ago, and the contrast between the happy din of Mitch and Michelle's and the quiet, absent-baby-energy solitude of my room was a rude awakening.  I actually had to grab Monkey's giant stuffed elephant (Elly) to sleep with, just to keep myself company and to feel like some part of him was nearby.  I imagine that at some point being without my baby at night might become a little easier to bear, but for now it's something of a shock every time I get home from whatever I've chosen to do that night to distract me.

Spending the time with friends has been more than a distraction.  I've enjoyed fully all the moments I've spent in the company of others while the baby is away, but I can't help but notice that--at the end of the evening--when all is still in my room and quiet in my mind, there is an absence whose strength is impossible to measure.  Nothing feels right until he is back under the same roof with me.  And I don't want to detract from the importance of the time he spends with his father...I'm just sharing honestly the feeling I have without him nearby.

It's always good to get grounded...to be reminded of what I hold closest to my heart and to appreciate it fully.  But it's also good to reconnect with the people who bring me so much laughter during all the moments until the baby who stole my heart can return with it  :)

In tribute to tonight's new activity and for fitting mood music, I offer the Glee version of this appropriate Lady Gaga number:

The GGA Project -- Day #8 "84 Floors"

I try to get to the gym at least 3 days a week.  I am not, by even the loosest of interpretations, any kind of fitness buff.  I pretty much have to force myself to go most nights, and I am only able to do so by making myself vividly imagine the good, serotonin a-flowin' feeling I will experience when the ordeal is over with.  Mostly, that works.  (Though sometimes it's easier to get myself to go because it can be a treasured bit of time to myself, during which I listen to music, think through things, and just be alone.  We all need that!)


One of the things that can make the gym seem like a chore is getting in a rut.  In line with my not being a fitness buff, there are plenty of machines I don't know how to use, and I'm shy about looking dumb trying to figure it out; additionally, the last thing I want to do is attract the attention of a trainer by asking them and accidentally purchasing a personal trainer package I don't want.


So sometimes I just have to bite the bullet and figure out something new to do, just to break up the monotony.


Today's New Activity: Stairmaster, Ah Ah Ah

I was super intimidated by the Stairmaster.  I don't know why...it just seemed impossible to me to be walking up stairs for a half hour straight.  WHY would you want to walk up stairs for half an hour straight?  But then, why would you want to run, elliptic, or stationarily bicycle either?  The answer is always the same: it's just what you do if you wanna lose the post-baby blubber, keep your heart in shape, blah blah blah.


But the Stairmaster was actually a pleasant surprise, mostly because I realized that being so high up on a machine meant being super close to the air vent, and that made the whole work out much more bearable.  I was also going pretty slowly (level 4 of 20 for starters), so that made it easier too, while ensuring I could search for music to listen to on my iPhone with little to no danger of tripping to my death.  So it'll be nice to add that to the list of possible torture devices I can carry out my business on at the gym.


But speaking of music...  I discovered when I got to the gym that my iPod was out of juice, and since I can't bear to listen to the cheeseball music they pump in through the speakers, I resorted to my iPhone and figured I'd find some videos on YouTube to play.  But what to play?


For some reason, when I'm working out, my alter-ego of a music fan takes over and I end up listening to stuff I would never be interested in outside of the gym environment.  It's because what I'm most interested in during that time is a good beat.  So I listen to a lot of pop and top 40 kind of stuff.  Justin Timberlake?  Yes.  Akon?  Sure.  Shakira?  Why the hell not.


But today's video choices surprised even me in this way.  I walked up stairs for a half hour set to Lady Gaga. Weeks ago I never would have considered this.  As a vegetarian, I was pretty thoroughly disgusted by her little raw meat dress stunt at the VMAs.  I still am.  And yet, I can't deny a good beat and a catchy hook.

And also, her voice is great live, which I admire greatly.


So the gym pretty much felt like an all new experience today, which is great.  Knowing it's possible will keep me going there with not too much kicking and screaming.